As I sit here in my cozy office, staring out the window, wrapped in a soft throw blanket and sipping chamomile tea, I can't help but reflect on the transformative journeys I've witnessed in my therapy practice. Over the 6 years I've been open I’ve had the privilege of working with countless people, many high-achieving professionals who, despite the outward success others see they struggle with stress, anxiety, and challenging attachment styles. Today, I want to share some insights on how cultivating a positive mindset can be a game-changer in navigating life's ups and downs.
First, let me be clear: developing a positive mindset isn't about slapping on a fake smile or denying the very real challenges we face. It isn’t about the “fake it until you make it” mindset. I would rather think about it as approaching life with a sense of curiosity, openness, and fortitude. It's about recognizing that while we can't always control our circumstances, we can control our responses to them.
Sitting here I can reminisce on a client who came to me feeling overwhelmed and burnt out. They were constantly in "fight or flight" mode, her mind racing with worst-case scenarios and they struggled sleeping. Through our sessions, we worked on reframing their thoughts and incorporating mindfulness practices into her daily routine.
One technique that worked well was the "Three Good Things" exercise. Every night before bed, they'd jot down three positive things that happened that day, no matter how small. At first, they struggled to find anything positive in the stress-filled days they had. But gradually, they began to notice the little moments of joy and connection they'd been overlooking – a kind word from a colleague, a moment of laughter with their child, the satisfaction of completing a challenging task.
This simple practice helped get their brain to focus more on the positive aspects of life, rather than constantly dwelling on the negatives.
And I know that for those with anxious attachment styles, developing a positive mindset can be particularly challenging. The fear of abandonment or rejection can lead to a constant state of hypervigilance and negative self-talk. I've found that incorporating EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy can be incredibly effective in addressing these deep-seated fears and beliefs.
Some folks come in to see me because they struggled with intense anxiety in their relationships. Through EMDR, we were able to process some of the early childhood experiences that had shaped their attachment style. As we work through these memories, clients began to develop a more secure sense of self and a more positive outlook on relationships.
But alongside EMDR, I have always incorporated mindfulness practices to help my clients stay grounded in the present moment. One technique that is talked about often is the "5-4-3-2-1" grounding exercise. When you feel anxiety creeping in, pause and name:
5 things you can see
4 things you can touch
3 things you can hear
2 things you can smell
1 thing you can taste
This simple practice has helped my clients pull out of anxious thought spirals and back into the present moment, where they can approach situations with a clearer, more positive mindset.
For those with avoidant attachment styles, developing a positive mindset often involves learning to trust and connect with others. I've found that group therapy can be incredibly powerful in this regard. Witnessing others open up and share vulnerabilities has helped avoidant individuals recognize the strength in connection and gradually let down their own walls.
In my own life, I've experienced the transformative power of a positive mindset. As a therapist, it's easy to become overwhelmed by the pain and struggles of my clients. In todays political climate, has been particularly challenging period where I found myself feeling drained and discouraged. It has been helpful that I recommitted to my own mindfulness practice, starting each day with a short meditation and gratitude exercise.
As a therapist, I began to approach each client session with renewed curiosity and compassion, focusing on the strength and resilience each individual possessed. This shift in perspective not only rejuvenated my passion for my work but also allowed me to be more present and effective in supporting my clients.
Cultivating a positive mindset is an ongoing journey, not a destination. It requires patience, self-compassion, and consistent practice. But the rewards – increased resilience, improved relationships, and a greater sense of overall well-being – are well worth the effort.
If you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or anxious, know that you're not alone. And more importantly, know that change is possible. With the right tools and support, you can harness the power of a positive mindset to transform your life and relationships.
