As a therapist, I see perfectionism show up in my office all the time—especially among professionals who hold themselves to impossibly high standards. It’s the physician who can’t forgive herself for a minor oversight, the attorney who obsesses over every word in an email, or the entrepreneur who never feels like they’re doing enough, no matter how many hours they put in. Perfectionism is sneaky because it masquerades as ambition, but in reality, it can be exhausting, anxiety-inducing, and deeply discouraging.
The Toll of Perfectionism
Perfectionism doesn’t just push people to do their best; it often leads to chronic stress, self-doubt, and burnout. Many of my clients describe feeling like they’re never enough, no matter how much they achieve. They constantly fear failure, avoid risks, and struggle with imposter syndrome. Over time, this mindset takes a toll on their mental health, relationships, and even physical well-being.
This is where EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) comes in. While EMDR is best known for its effectiveness in treating trauma, it’s also incredibly helpful for people struggling with perfectionism.
How EMDR Helps Shift the Perfectionist Mindset
EMDR works by helping the brain reprocess distressing memories and beliefs that are stuck in the nervous system. For many perfectionists, the fear of failure or not being “good enough” is rooted in early experiences, maybe a parent who only praised achievement, a teacher who was overly critical, or a moment of public embarrassment that cemented the belief that mistakes are unacceptable.
Through EMDR, we identify these core memories and reprocess them so they no longer have the same emotional charge. Clients begin to experience a shift: Instead of feeling paralyzed by the fear of not being perfect, they start to embrace self-compassion, take more risks, and trust that they are enough, regardless of external achievements.
A Client’s Experience with EMDR and Perfectionism
One of my clients, came to me feeling completely burnt out. She was staying up until 2 AM reworking presentations, agonizing over emails, and feeling like she had to prove herself daily. She knew her perfectionism was unsustainable, but she couldn’t seem to let go of it.
After working through several key memories in EMDR, she realized that her perfectionism was rooted in childhood experiences specifically, the belief that love and approval were contingent on achievement. As we reprocessed those memories, something shifted. She started setting boundaries with work, delegating more, and, most importantly, being kinder to herself. She told me, “For the first time, I feel like I can breathe. I’m still ambitious, but I don’t feel like my worth is on the line every time I make a mistake.”
A Therapist’s Perspective on Using EMDR for Perfectionism
I recently spoke with a colleague who also incorporates EMDR Therapy into their practice. They shared, “I used to approach perfectionism with traditional cognitive techniques, challenging negative thoughts, encouraging self-compassion, but EMDR goes deeper. It helps clients truly shift their core beliefs, not just intellectually, but emotionally. I’ve seen clients go from being consumed by perfectionism to actually enjoying their work again. It’s incredible.”
Moving Forward
If perfectionism is running your life, know that you don’t have to stay stuck in that cycle. EMDR can help you break free from the patterns that keep you trapped in self-doubt and exhaustion. Therapy isn’t about losing your drive or ambition, it’s about finding balance, confidence, and the ability to thrive without fear.
